I talked to a few people about where I am in my life now. Its strange, they all said the same thing but in opposite. It took me alot of time to figure things out for myself. This is what I have so far...  I know that I am hopelessly in love. In fact, I am completely sure that I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Things have been strange lately to say the least. I have become almost numb if that makes sense. I was at the point of not feeling much of anything. Not even the pain that overshadowed everything. But last night something happened to me. It clicked...it all made sense. Something in me has changed over the last 8 months. The person I see in the mirror is not the same person I saw before. I have really been humbled and accepted who I am inside. It doesnt really matter that I have no material things anymore. They are unimportant to me. What is important is my relationship with this great woman. This simply amazing woman. Last night, we committed our souls to each other. We FINALLY got it! Neither one of us had been willing to give in. I actually spent the day yesterday making a tough decision. Then, last night--something weird happened.

I looked into her beautifully deep eyes that go straight to your soul..and I thought..I would die of grieving if I didnt have her anymore. She brings this life to mine that allows me to feel incredibly alive. I am not sure how it happened. But, in essence we married each other last night. We had this euphoric ceremony dedicating our lives to each other..heart, mind, soul, body. It was sureal. Like being on a cloud in the center of whatever pure ecstasy and nirvana can create. It was entrancing and mystical. It possessed all otherwordly magick as we connected blood to blood, body to body...perfect balance of prana. It almost felt like a dream...an illusion....an alpha with fullfilled desires. Now, we are bound by powers that are greater than the two of us. Our union was blessed by the spirits of the universe in ways that can never be described, replaced, or recreated. Ah, this is what happiness feels like.  

Have you ever met anyone that you thought was just really weird? I am experiencing that this week. By nature, I love to talk to people. Sometimes I meet people that I wish I had not met afterall. I relate it to a traveling story..... 

Have you ever been driving and see a wounded animal on the side of the road...then stop the car to check on it. Once you touch it, it freaks out and attacks you.---As you are getting back in your car all bloody and sometimes missing a limb, you think to yourself..."I wish I had left that damn thing alone!"   Thats kind of the way I feel this week. I wish I had left the people who hurt me alone before they had the chance!

So, what brings death? This week I have said goodbye to three friends and one is on the edge in the hospital. What the hell is going on? My friend was in a car accident, she was not even 23. In the past, she was an opiate addict. I talked to her so many times about where her life was going. She had no direction, she wasnt clear on what was important in her life. I begged her to get help with what she needed to repair in her heart and in her mind. A spiritual, physical, mental cleaning..if you will. But no matter what I said...it wasnt enough. She tried, but never managed to heal completely. I have had so many people close to me die. Not that I am the only one that happens to, but ....sometimes I would like to be a superhero of sorts and make everybody happy with who they are. And help them live for as long as they can. I guess in her case..she did live as long as she could. I will never forget her arms wrapped around me holding me tight telling me how special I was to her. I will always remember her soft hands on my face and her sweet words in my ear telling me she loved me. Addiction is so all consuming, so powerful. For some, there is just no escape